Then...I realized how disturbed I felt inside. And also, I discovered that my new found "intelligence" was actually stupidity...
All I have to say now is, THANK GOD!
I mean, I was in a dangerous place spiritually and artistically. God and art are very important to my core being. If I put God in a different place, thinking it was the right thing, and it turned out that I was straying, I would eventually fall to pieces inside. He's what drives me. Without Him, I have nothing. I've said this before and I'll say it again. I may have these crazy dreams that mean so much to me, but if God wasn't involved in their creation, they would not have a purpose or even exist. I'm not going to abandon my Opportunity Maker once I'm given the opportunity. That would be selfish and pointless. I love God and I will never let myself come to the point to where I think I can put Him in a different light so I can work "better' creatively ever again. I now realize how ridiculous that was. And my emotions got the worst of it. But that's done with.
I need to watch who I listen to and chose how much of what they say is right for me. I like creative freedom. Yeah, I like the androgynous look. Yes, I do like to dress up like my characters, even the transgendered one. BUT I can't become them so much to the point that it's not healthy for me. I love my characters and I want to understand them better, but I have to know my limits. That's going to take some time for me to fully learn.
Anyway, this is/was a good experience. I'm learning a lot and excited to be challeged. I want to grow as a person (spiritually, emotionally, and mentally). I'm happy to be writing and drawing from daily inspiration I'm given.
Now I'm off to dream even bigger than I have before.
~ tessmarie (July 11, 2010)
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.
