These feelings...are beyond words.

When it's an act of God, can words used to describe it give it justice?

Well, I'm gonna try to write about it anyway. Ha ha.

My heart has been opened, revived. I am free. Free to love. Free to believe.

Free to live for God.

~ tessmarie (April 12, 2010)



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Well, it's come to this point.

Love is one of the most amazing feelings.
But if you don't watch yourself, it can turn into hate.

If you love someone and you think you can't let them know, you could possibly become bitter. Bitterness can sink into your heart. Maybe you feel like the person you care/cared for is the one to blame. But really, that's not the case. It's you. Emotions can be controlled. If you let yourself become angry, you're the only one who can stop those feelings.

It may or may not be wrong to continue loving that person. But whatever you do, don't turn love into hate.

It's miserable.

~ tessmarie (April 9, 2010)


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AFB - Personalities

Character analysis- fun stuff.

I don't believe in astrology, but I think some experimenting with it could do me some good.

❍ Saccharine~ is like a Pisces.
> Her personality is sweet and thoughtful, but she could easily become sad depending on her surroundings.
> Her challenge is to be strong and overcome negative emotions in order to protect and care for those she loves.
> She's NOT exactly like a Pisces, of course. She is strong-willed when she needs to be.
* But regardless of this, I think I will make her birthday March 31st.

❍ Blair~seems to resemble a Sagittarius.
> He is sensitive, always dwelling, and very kind.
> His emotional strength is a unique quality.
> He is easy to connect with.
> Has good sense of humor and is interesting.
> When he chooses to make a loyal friend, he tries to do it carefully.
* So...December 17th will be his birthday.

❍ Charlie~is like an Aries or a Gemini or even a Scorpio.
> Charl is agressive at times, but seeks peace.
> Determination conflicts with Charl's emotions.
> S/he has a complex character. There's a lot I don't know.
* November 7th is Charlie's date of birth.

Eh, this is subject to change. I'm not sure, but, at the moment, I agree with it.

~ tessmarie (April 9, 2010)


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Kamehameha!

I've been craving some Dragonball Z. Call me crazy, but I love that show. And it's more than the nostalgia. And by nostalgia, I mean I used to watch the show in 1st/2nd grade on Cartoon Network. I watched it in order to relate to the boys at my school. I had only a couple of friends so that helped me kind of socialize. I remember looking for "dragonballs" on the playground. Fun times. I just think it's weird that I started watching a show over 10 years ago and now I'm 18 and still love it. But of course I have good reasons.

1. The characters are fascinating, both with personality and looks.
2. The story lines, though long, keep me hooked.
3. It's a long series that takes time and dedication to watch.
4. There are plenty of surprises, ha ha.

But again, it's silly a lot. Not just funny, but silly. Things happen that don't make sense almost every episode.
I'm not complaining though. It's not like the show is trying to be realistic.

I have a few favorite characters. The two that top my list are Vegeta and future Trunks. Goku fluctuates on my list, depending on my mood. Ha ha. But the Saiyan Prince and his son are always fun to watch, especially the relationship between the two. I guess I'm a sucker for the whole father-son aspect of it.

Here are two sketches I drew of Vegeta. They're sloppy but I think they're cute. Oh and also, these were drawn on my school planner, hence the numbers and writing all over the place.





Why am I still blogging? I've got a whole lot of DBZ to catch up on. :)

~ tessmarie (April 8, 2010)


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Avid Diva - This chick ain't me, is she?

Avid Diva, my other story...

While it's still a "baby story", its origins began when I was in the 2nd or 3rd grade. Here is the daydream that helped to create Avid Diva. I imagined that I had an "alter ego". She seemed to be between the ages of 19 and 24? What's even weirder is that she wore a black bodysuit and lived on a ship in outerspace. Yeah, pretty odd. And I wasn't sure if she was a villain or a hero. She made jokes to herself, and a small animal sidekick? I'm not sure. My memory is a little fuzzy. But I do remember she had somewhat of an ego...maybe because she had no human contact. Anyway, that's how it started.

It's becoming something almost entirely different.

Similarities:
- She will look almost exactly like me (hair color, eye color, body shape, etc.)
- Her personality will be the same as I imagined.
- Black will be a key color for her.

Differences:
- Chances are she won't be living in a spaceship. Ha ha. (maybe in HER imagination.)
- Bodysuits aren't considered "normal" attire in the 21st century, as far as I know.
- Will probably be more sociable.
- The plot: she is destined (blessed) to be celibate.

Her journey has begun. :)

~ tessmarie (April 8, 2010)


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Reoccurring Heartbreak?

If we were meant to be together, it would so weird.
Because you know my intentions even when I don't.
You make my heart beat uncontrollably and it's so sudden.
I guess I say it would be weird because I can't imagine that you feel the same.
While you're calm and collected, I'm losing my mind...to your heart.

~ tessmarie (April 8, 2010)


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AFB - Past and Present

(Note: AFB stands for At First Blush.)


Background/History-

The rough idea for this story came into my mind around the time I was 15 years old, three years ago.
It started off as a girl who was dressed as a boy or something very similar. I would imagine her in awkward situations where she couldn't hide the fact that she was female. Embarrassing stuff really. Thinking back on it, I had come of with some pretty disturbing scenarios. Ha ha. But the story has changed a good bit and now, it actually has a plot. The main character is a girl who dresses like a guy, BUT she's transgender. That's right. So, she's a he. And she has friends and family in the story. Also, while she is the main character, the other characters play big parts in the story. It doesn't mostly revolve around her, but then again, it kinda does. I'm still shaping basic parts of the story so a lot is undetermined/undecided. You'd think after 3 years, I would have gotten further, but no, and I like the pace the story's at now. :)


Character development so far~

● Charlie / Charlotte (Charl for short)
- The main character, a transgendered boy. (FTM)
● Maerie "Saccharine" (Sacch for short)
- becomes a close friend of Charlie.
● Blair (This is a guy.)
- becomes a close friend of Charlie.
● Name Not Yet Decided
- Charlie's older brother
● Queenie (Nickname or real name?)
- Maerie's younger sister
● Anthony
- Guy who find out Charl's true sex and flirts with/teases him (He doesn't tell anyone else.)
● Danae
- Girl who starts to fall in love w/ Charlie (Doesn't know he's female.)
● Name Not Yet Decided
- Guy who is the boyfriend of the girl mentioned above.

Wow, feels good to get that out.

~ tessmarie (April 7, 2010)


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At First Blush (and Avid Diva)

At First Blush is a story I've created that is very special to me.
Because of my youngest brother's advice, I've decided to post ideas and progress about the story on here.
It's going to be silly and weird, but I love it. And I want to track how it changes- and also, I want others to read it.

*deep breath* O.K. :)

P.S. I have another story that I've just started creating, Avid Diva. Recently I found out a music artist, I think, has this name, but I've liked the name for a couple years so I'm sticking with it.

~ tessmarie (April 7, 2010)


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My Prayer For Him

Dear God, you've brought me through a lot. And this, is something very important to me.
A certain individual has been on my heart for some time now.
I've felt as if I've fallen in and out of love with this boy.
But, he still remains on my heart. Is it something about him?
I believe so, but I know that God must have some part in this. I mean, it seems so pleasantly surreal.

Though, romantically, I've let him go, I still care about him more than he could ever know.
While it might be one-sided, that doesn't change the severity of my feelings.

But this is very unique...
If I still see him around, which I hope I do, and he has a girlfriend, I would hope that she would be everything he'd ever hoped for and everything God could possibly bless him with.
It's taken a lot of pain for me to get to this point, but I'm at peace. And very happy about it. :)

Thank you God for blessing his family, his character, and every aspect of his life.

~ tessmarie (March 31, 2010)


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Those Eyes, That Spirit

What I want is to be able to love you.
But I do, I do. It's the complications that hinder our friendship.
I so desperately want to be myself around you.
You know the real me, you see the real me.
I want you to experience the real me.
And I want to get to know the real you. I want you to be able to confide in me.
I'm not sure what to do. How can I talk to you while showing the admiration and happiness I feel in my heart.
You're beautiful.
I wish I could let you know I feel this way without fear... of scaring you.

~ tessmarie (March 27, 2010)


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This Ain't a Joke No More

Doing a paper on Mahatmas Gandhi...that is unless I fall asleep.

I need to get my act together. I've been slipping for too long and I'm aggravated with myself.
When will I become responsible? I'll tell you when.

NOW.

~ tessmarie (March 21, 2010)


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Friendship For What Reason

This thought has been on my mind.
-People are who they associate with.

I want to be real about this.
Because I don't want to lie to myself... but unfortunately I think I have been.

For years, I was shy. Afraid that people wouldn't like me, I accepted any friend I could get.
I'd like to think things have changed since those times.

I understand that I'm young and so are many of my friends. Teenagers don't exactly make the best choices.
But then again, that can be said about a lot of adults, too. I don't want to make excuses.

The more I think about who my friends are, the more concerned I get. I question my decision to be friends with certain people. I stick to my morals. When I see my friends do something unbelievably stupid or hurtful to others, I almost get sick. People make mistakes. And the Bible says to forgive 70 x 7 (Matthew 18:21). I will forgive, but I'm sure there are people who aren't meant to stay in your life. How is that kind of decision made? I've tried to break away, but I'm always pulled back in. Where does it end?

I see myself getting tired of being around people who are obsessed with worldliness. I love my friends, I really do.
BUT sometimes you have to let go.

At this point...I'm just waiting to let go.

~ tessmarie (March 7, 2010)


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Dear To Me

Speechless at times.

Amazed every day.

Lord God, every time I think of him or see his face, happiness flows out of me.

Every word is a treasure.
Every glance is something to smile about.

His existence is a blessing.

I can't begin to make sense of it.

No one is like him. Some are similar, but it's different.
They're not him.

He is himself and no one else.

He's the guy I can't believe God has given me the chance to know.


~ tessmarie (March 6, 2010)


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You're My Definition of Love

Wrote this in my World History class today.


~You're My Definition of Love~

You're my headache.
You're my heartache.

You're my tears.
You're my laughter.

You're the mystery to my story.

You're my blessing more than my curse.

You are my love.

~ tessmarie (March 5, 2010)


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My Present (Gift)

Unwrapped in all your beauty~
I gently tore off the paper of glitter and color.
My eyes stared intuitively.
Little did I know what I was about to discover.

The sea of thoughts flowed whenever you spoke
Amazed by your beauty inside and out,
I feel something different. My heart awoke.
You're someone special. I have no doubt.

I am breathless when I think of our Maker
To think He formed you makes me cry.
When you arrived in my life, I didn't know who you were.
Thank God for you. I was blessed. I wonder why.


This was written about a boy I care deeply for. He is someone who inspires me and makes me smile.


~ tessmarie (February 27, 2010)


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