Burnt Out

"Ah, I love this song! I must listen to it 30 times a day. It's just so good!"

This is a thought from when I was fifteen.

I remember having thoughts like the above statement. I've had what I call an addictive behavior for years. This trait has its disadvantages, but I do believe it has worthwhile positive aspects. Sure, listening to the same song over and over and over or entertaining specific thoughts on a daily basis can somewhat isolate you from reality, but it does something different for me. When I do something that gives me a temporary high, I often think about it so much that I get tired of it. I'm not saying liking something a lot means eventually you will hate it. That's not true, of course. It depends on what it is and why you like it. For example, when I was fifteen/sixteen, I was very much obsessed with two things that had this effect on me. I really liked the song "Pop Princess" by The Click Five. Actually, I think I was more obsessed with the images and the feeling the song gave me. Anyway, I listened to the song until I got "burnt out" on it. That doesn't mean I don't like it today, it just doesn't create the same vision in my mind. I had to go through a stage of obsession until I realized it wasn't the greatest song in the world, ha ha.

The second thing I was obsessed with definitely had a longer-lasting effect on me. It look me a while to get over it. I imaged a very odd scene with one of my characters being stuck somewhere. It's very awkward actually, so I'm not going to mention specific details (and no, it wasn't graphic or perverted). For some reason, even though the idea wasn't at all great, I loved it! I honestly couldn't get enough of it. Almost a year later, the idea started to fade and the story changed almost entirely. Now, it has drastically changed from that original idea. The story I'm talking about is At First Blush. Oddly enough, in the beginning, the main character was a girl who dressed as a guy for whatever reason. Well, Charlie still dresses as a male, but there is a reason and it's crucial to the story and the character.

I think being "burnt out" isn't all bad. While the process sucks, because once you get over something you usually feel drained, it's worth it. That's my experience, anyway. At times, it can bring you to something better. You don't have to stay drained and sad because your "oh my gosh, amazing" happiness went away. You can learn from it and grow to be a wiser and more intelligent person. I think I have and will continue to do so.

~ tessmarie (May 19, 2010)


This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

Back-Stabbing Thoughts? Nah...

At First Blush, kill me now. I keep writing this story, but how? Pressures and trials scare me daily. Not sure if I can continue to face this bravely. Disaster could strike at any moment. Sometimes I want to vent. Too great of an honor to hold. Or should I be so bold? God, I need you. Am I being untrue…to my Savior? The One who gives me so much favor? Lead me and guide me. For I should only succeed if You are beside me.

The above is a poem, I guess, that I wrote concerning my insecurities about my ideas and their inspiration. Sometimes, I become worried about the direction I'm accelerating in. But I try to find comfort in the reason I think, the reason I dream - to please God.

~ tessmarie (May 9, 2010)


This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

AFB - Personalities

Character analysis- fun stuff.

I don't believe in astrology, but I think some experimenting with it could do me some good.

❍ Saccharine~ is like a Pisces.
> Her personality is sweet and thoughtful, but she could easily become sad depending on her surroundings.
> Her challenge is to be strong and overcome negative emotions in order to protect and care for those she loves.
> She's NOT exactly like a Pisces, of course. She is strong-willed when she needs to be.
* But regardless of this, I think I will make her birthday March 31st.

❍ Blair~seems to resemble a Sagittarius.
> He is sensitive, always dwelling, and very kind.
> His emotional strength is a unique quality.
> He is easy to connect with.
> Has good sense of humor and is interesting.
> When he chooses to make a loyal friend, he tries to do it carefully.
* So...December 17th will be his birthday.

❍ Charlie~is like an Aries or a Gemini or even a Scorpio.
> Charl is agressive at times, but seeks peace.
> Determination conflicts with Charl's emotions.
> S/he has a complex character. There's a lot I don't know.
* November 7th is Charlie's date of birth.

Eh, this is subject to change. I'm not sure, but, at the moment, I agree with it.

~ tessmarie (April 9, 2010)


This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

AFB - Past and Present

(Note: AFB stands for At First Blush.)


Background/History-

The rough idea for this story came into my mind around the time I was 15 years old, three years ago.
It started off as a girl who was dressed as a boy or something very similar. I would imagine her in awkward situations where she couldn't hide the fact that she was female. Embarrassing stuff really. Thinking back on it, I had come of with some pretty disturbing scenarios. Ha ha. But the story has changed a good bit and now, it actually has a plot. The main character is a girl who dresses like a guy, BUT she's transgender. That's right. So, she's a he. And she has friends and family in the story. Also, while she is the main character, the other characters play big parts in the story. It doesn't mostly revolve around her, but then again, it kinda does. I'm still shaping basic parts of the story so a lot is undetermined/undecided. You'd think after 3 years, I would have gotten further, but no, and I like the pace the story's at now. :)


Character development so far~

● Charlie / Charlotte (Charl for short)
- The main character, a transgendered boy. (FTM)
● Maerie "Saccharine" (Sacch for short)
- becomes a close friend of Charlie.
● Blair (This is a guy.)
- becomes a close friend of Charlie.
● Name Not Yet Decided
- Charlie's older brother
● Queenie (Nickname or real name?)
- Maerie's younger sister
● Anthony
- Guy who find out Charl's true sex and flirts with/teases him (He doesn't tell anyone else.)
● Danae
- Girl who starts to fall in love w/ Charlie (Doesn't know he's female.)
● Name Not Yet Decided
- Guy who is the boyfriend of the girl mentioned above.

Wow, feels good to get that out.

~ tessmarie (April 7, 2010)


This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

At First Blush (and Avid Diva)

At First Blush is a story I've created that is very special to me.
Because of my youngest brother's advice, I've decided to post ideas and progress about the story on here.
It's going to be silly and weird, but I love it. And I want to track how it changes- and also, I want others to read it.

*deep breath* O.K. :)

P.S. I have another story that I've just started creating, Avid Diva. Recently I found out a music artist, I think, has this name, but I've liked the name for a couple years so I'm sticking with it.

~ tessmarie (April 7, 2010)


This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.