Not the Same

It's all falling apart. We're all falling.
Innocence, ha, I remember that.
When I didn't know any better.
But somehow I kept from getting hurt.
Things of the past, so far away.
What have I given into now?
Everything.
Everything I thought I had to have.
What made me change...
So long ago...
It doesn't matter now.
I have what I want, what I've craved.
So I could be like the rest of them.
The Best of them...(the worst of them)

Yeah, I'm not bitter. Ha ha, really, I'm not. This isn't about me actually. It's about the change I've seen in some of my classmates. Sad really, but if I think about it too long, it just makes me angry. So...writing this piece of literature helped me vent. Ahhh, I feel a little better.

~ tessmarie (May 13, 2010)


This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

Was I Delusional?

I have a lot of poems on this blog, so far most of them convey feelings I had for a person. Unlike the feelings, these poems still exist and I'm OK with that. I was just thinking about how strongly I felt about this specific person and whether it was rational or not. The truth is I'm not sure. I've heard that love is not supposed to make sense, but to what degree? This sounds like it's getting more complicated than I expected. OK, so sticking to the original subject of this entry, I'm wondering what these poems mean to me now. I still like the way I wrote them and I like that they hold a piece of me, even though it was during a chapter of my life where I felt very foolish. It's weird... It's not like I hate the person I wrote about, it's just that I hardly think about him now. The memories will never go away and that's fine with me, too. Maybe I wasn't that silly. Maybe there was a reason for it. Ha ha, what am I talking about? Of course there was a reason for it all.

~ tessmarie (May 10, 2010)


This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

Back-Stabbing Thoughts? Nah...

At First Blush, kill me now. I keep writing this story, but how? Pressures and trials scare me daily. Not sure if I can continue to face this bravely. Disaster could strike at any moment. Sometimes I want to vent. Too great of an honor to hold. Or should I be so bold? God, I need you. Am I being untrue…to my Savior? The One who gives me so much favor? Lead me and guide me. For I should only succeed if You are beside me.

The above is a poem, I guess, that I wrote concerning my insecurities about my ideas and their inspiration. Sometimes, I become worried about the direction I'm accelerating in. But I try to find comfort in the reason I think, the reason I dream - to please God.

~ tessmarie (May 9, 2010)


This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

Reoccurring Heartbreak?

If we were meant to be together, it would so weird.
Because you know my intentions even when I don't.
You make my heart beat uncontrollably and it's so sudden.
I guess I say it would be weird because I can't imagine that you feel the same.
While you're calm and collected, I'm losing my mind...to your heart.

~ tessmarie (April 8, 2010)


This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

Those Eyes, That Spirit

What I want is to be able to love you.
But I do, I do. It's the complications that hinder our friendship.
I so desperately want to be myself around you.
You know the real me, you see the real me.
I want you to experience the real me.
And I want to get to know the real you. I want you to be able to confide in me.
I'm not sure what to do. How can I talk to you while showing the admiration and happiness I feel in my heart.
You're beautiful.
I wish I could let you know I feel this way without fear... of scaring you.

~ tessmarie (March 27, 2010)


This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

Dear To Me

Speechless at times.

Amazed every day.

Lord God, every time I think of him or see his face, happiness flows out of me.

Every word is a treasure.
Every glance is something to smile about.

His existence is a blessing.

I can't begin to make sense of it.

No one is like him. Some are similar, but it's different.
They're not him.

He is himself and no one else.

He's the guy I can't believe God has given me the chance to know.


~ tessmarie (March 6, 2010)


This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

You're My Definition of Love

Wrote this in my World History class today.


~You're My Definition of Love~

You're my headache.
You're my heartache.

You're my tears.
You're my laughter.

You're the mystery to my story.

You're my blessing more than my curse.

You are my love.

~ tessmarie (March 5, 2010)


This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

My Present (Gift)

Unwrapped in all your beauty~
I gently tore off the paper of glitter and color.
My eyes stared intuitively.
Little did I know what I was about to discover.

The sea of thoughts flowed whenever you spoke
Amazed by your beauty inside and out,
I feel something different. My heart awoke.
You're someone special. I have no doubt.

I am breathless when I think of our Maker
To think He formed you makes me cry.
When you arrived in my life, I didn't know who you were.
Thank God for you. I was blessed. I wonder why.


This was written about a boy I care deeply for. He is someone who inspires me and makes me smile.


~ tessmarie (February 27, 2010)


This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

Am I Me? Or Am I Her?

~Listening for the Voice~

She's all of me, but less of me.
I speak, she talks.
When I'm upset, she's there observing my thoughts.
Taking note of who I am, who I'm becoming.
Is she the shadow of my soul?
Or the window to my heart?
I don't think I know her, but she definitely knows me.
I wait for her to come.
When she speaks, I will listen.


~The Mirror~

Tears I cry
She wonders why
I smile bright
She replies with delight
Her face is mine
But we have a different design
Who is she?
Am I her or is she me?


~Me (Her)~

~I love you! (You have no idea how much you mean to me.)
~I'm OK. (I just want to cry.)
~What's going on? (I feel left out. Why am I here anyway?)
~What do you think about my drawing? (Do you like it? Is it…good enough?)
~ Can I talk to you? (Please be there for me. I need you.)


As much as I have thought that I did, I do not have an alter ego. But it's kinda fun to pretend that I do. :)


~ tessmarie (February 14, 2010) [Written February 5, 2010]


This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.