I can't help gaze. You are beautiful. When we don't see eye to eye, no matter, you are beautiful. To see your face everyday, it is warming, comforting. You are the other half of me, even when we disagree. All is worth is it for what I know exists. Love is real. And I know we have it.
~ tessmarie (May 9th, 2012)
Wednesday, May 9, 2012
Sunday, May 6, 2012
I shall not be concerned.
I feel dizzy, thoughts hazed. Hide from the world because the thunder is scary. So, I comfortably curl up until the loud noises cease. God, protect me. Please. The storm is over, blue skies again. Put on your glasses, eye this beauty with quirk. Another day to bypass worry. Now, get back to work. 
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Drawing I - First Collection of Homework
I'm a freshman in college now! In fact, It's my first semester. I've been learning a lot in many different areas. My social skills have improved, my English papers have improved (I think), and my artistic skills are really improving! Unfortunately, I still suck at Math. Anyway, back to art.
I've been taking a Drawing I class and a Design I class. Work from both classes with be documented on this blog. Now, of course, there's only a month left in this semester, which means I'm not producing new work then posting. Most of the work will have been done between January and March. So, there is a time lapse. But please feel free to critique my work. Even though these drawings are technically finished, they really aren't. I need to continue to grow by learning and pushing myself further. Don't hesitate to comment. Just join in the fun. :)
What I learned:
1. Not exactly sure what I was supposed to learn with this assignment, but I did like the challenge of drawing the last cube. It took me about two hours. It was definitely worthwhile because I like the result.
The second assignment was much like the first, still show two sides of the cubes, but now put a focus on "converging parallel" lines.
Note: Converging parallel lines are lines that are parallel to each other and one is longer in length, while the other is shorter in length. This creates depth.
What I learned:
1. In the image above, my instructor made a comment that I wasn't understanding the concept of converging parallel lines and that my cubes were irregularly-shaped. I over-analyzed what converging parallel lines were. Now, I know.
2. I didn't show two sides of one of the cubes I had drawn before. I have since learned to pay more attention to instruction and detail.
3. After completing this homework, I look back at the first assignment and easily see my mistakes. Focusing on making converging parallel lines really did make a lot of difference.
This assignment was to pick a still life. First, make a blind contour of that still life. Darken the lines that are closer to you and make the lines farther away lighter. Then, make another, more accurate contour drawing while looking at both the still life and the drawing.
Note: Blind contour drawing is when you focus only on the outline of the object you're drawing while slowly putting it on paper, without looking at the paper. And you can't lift your pencil.
What I learned:
1. OK, I did lift my pencil. So, I didn't do the assignment exactly right. But now, I know.
2. I learned that I need give myself plenty of time when learning a new technique or concept. I shouldn't have the attitude that it's too easy for me. Likewise, I shouldn't be intimidated.
3. I also learned that just because I do something wrong on my first attempt, doesn't mean I can't master it with practice. OK, I have learned that before. This reiterated that lesson for me.
The next assignment was to draw a chair. Two sides had to be visible.
What I learned:
1. I learned that I'm awesome at drawing chairs! Actually, I'm really just surprised how at this drawing turned out. I spent three hours on it, nonstop. Plus, the chair was moved once while I was drawing it and I had to move it back exactly. So yeah, I did learn that I'm awesome at drawing chairs.
2. Also, I realize that there are some flaws with my lines. I should pay more attention to that.
In this assignment, I had to draw a room in one-point perspective.
Note: One-point perspective drawings have only one vanishing point, meaning all of the lines meet at the same point.
What I learned:
1. I was intimidated with this assignment at first, mainly because I was worried about drawing a lot of detail correctly. But that wasn't the goal of the assignment. I drew a hallway by just looking at one and recreating it. However, the concept was that all of the lines had to meet at one point, in this case, my eye level. Instead of looking closely at the drawing to see if all of the lines met at the same place, I thought, "Hey, I drew a pretty good hallway." In class, my instructor pointed out that, while the hallway looked "nice", the lines didn't meet in the same place. In order to make the hallway look accurate, I changed the directions of all of the lines to meet between the middle and top of the door. Now, that's one-point perspective.
Thanks for reading! While drawing does get frustrating at times, it's exciting to know that I'm growing as a artist, that I'm going above my comfort level. In all honesty, I could have worked harder on some of these drawings. And that's what I'm learning, that I need to work harder. As I said before, if you have any constructive criticism or just feel like saying hi, please leave me a comment. I will appreciate it!
~ tessmarie (March 30, 2011)
Sunday, March 20, 2011
Math Homework
Yes, this is what I do in math class. Very productive.
~ tessmarie (March 20, 2011)
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.
Friday, August 6, 2010
Taking a break.
Just like it sounds, I won't be blogging for a while.
~ tessmarie (August 6, 2010)
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.
~ tessmarie (August 6, 2010)
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.
Sunday, July 11, 2010
A Better State of Mind
I'll admit it. For at least a day, I thought I knew it all. I thought I had my whole life planned out and was ready to tackle the world head on!
Then...I realized how disturbed I felt inside. And also, I discovered that my new found "intelligence" was actually stupidity...
All I have to say now is, THANK GOD!
I mean, I was in a dangerous place spiritually and artistically. God and art are very important to my core being. If I put God in a different place, thinking it was the right thing, and it turned out that I was straying, I would eventually fall to pieces inside. He's what drives me. Without Him, I have nothing. I've said this before and I'll say it again. I may have these crazy dreams that mean so much to me, but if God wasn't involved in their creation, they would not have a purpose or even exist. I'm not going to abandon my Opportunity Maker once I'm given the opportunity. That would be selfish and pointless. I love God and I will never let myself come to the point to where I think I can put Him in a different light so I can work "better' creatively ever again. I now realize how ridiculous that was. And my emotions got the worst of it. But that's done with.
I need to watch who I listen to and chose how much of what they say is right for me. I like creative freedom. Yeah, I like the androgynous look. Yes, I do like to dress up like my characters, even the transgendered one. BUT I can't become them so much to the point that it's not healthy for me. I love my characters and I want to understand them better, but I have to know my limits. That's going to take some time for me to fully learn.
Anyway, this is/was a good experience. I'm learning a lot and excited to be challeged. I want to grow as a person (spiritually, emotionally, and mentally). I'm happy to be writing and drawing from daily inspiration I'm given.
Now I'm off to dream even bigger than I have before.
~ tessmarie (July 11, 2010)
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.
Then...I realized how disturbed I felt inside. And also, I discovered that my new found "intelligence" was actually stupidity...
All I have to say now is, THANK GOD!
I mean, I was in a dangerous place spiritually and artistically. God and art are very important to my core being. If I put God in a different place, thinking it was the right thing, and it turned out that I was straying, I would eventually fall to pieces inside. He's what drives me. Without Him, I have nothing. I've said this before and I'll say it again. I may have these crazy dreams that mean so much to me, but if God wasn't involved in their creation, they would not have a purpose or even exist. I'm not going to abandon my Opportunity Maker once I'm given the opportunity. That would be selfish and pointless. I love God and I will never let myself come to the point to where I think I can put Him in a different light so I can work "better' creatively ever again. I now realize how ridiculous that was. And my emotions got the worst of it. But that's done with.
I need to watch who I listen to and chose how much of what they say is right for me. I like creative freedom. Yeah, I like the androgynous look. Yes, I do like to dress up like my characters, even the transgendered one. BUT I can't become them so much to the point that it's not healthy for me. I love my characters and I want to understand them better, but I have to know my limits. That's going to take some time for me to fully learn.
Anyway, this is/was a good experience. I'm learning a lot and excited to be challeged. I want to grow as a person (spiritually, emotionally, and mentally). I'm happy to be writing and drawing from daily inspiration I'm given.
Now I'm off to dream even bigger than I have before.
~ tessmarie (July 11, 2010)
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.
Friday, July 9, 2010
Peace, Finally.
Lately, I've been wanting more out of my life. I can't keep staying up late every night. I don't have a good enough reason.
Wanting to be more production, I've been listening to my brother Todd's advice (as if I have a choice...ha ha, kidding). He's someone I admire- not because he'll sympathize with me over trials we've both experienced, but because he urges me to push myself and won't let me make excuses. I've shed many tears during our conversations over the years and all were completely worth it. No one has been harder on me than him. I'm truly grateful for that. Every time I talk to him, we share our views about life, family, and religion. Sometimes, it feels like we're polar opposites...but I think that helps us both grow. Ok, honestly, I probably get more out of it than he does. I do think he enjoys seeing me learn, though. I am his "science project" after all. I'm not sure what the grading scale is based on, but I'm sure hoping he gets an A+. Heh heh...I think he will.
I'm really starting to see life differently after our recent talks. I'm inspired like never before! My fear seems to be disappearing, or at least masked. I like to tell people when I'm afraid for some reason. I guess I like appearing vulnerable. Maybe that's kind of a good thing? I'm just going to say it is, ha ha. Usually, I talk about it because it's bothering me and I'm begging for as much advice as possible. But if that method works, why change it? I'm feeling much better. I can't even describe how excited I am!
Why am I excited? Why was I holding onto fear?
I love my ideas, my dreams. I think about them a lot, probably more than what's healthy. They're a part of me. They bring out my passions and that's a beautiful thing. But I've been holding back...I've been limiting myself, scared of what people I admire will think of me when they find out "who I was all along". That fear has been hurting me for far too long and well, I'm sick and tired of it. I have to be myself to be happy. It's the only way for me to grow as a person and for my stories to blossom as well. I'm excited because I'm free! No, I'm not yearning to be free. I am most definitely free! I feel different, changed. There's a feeling of peace and pure happiness inside of me. I have no tears of sadness or joy. It's an emotion of comfort, not at all overwhelming. I've been overwhelmed for too long.
My passions are no longer a secret to anyone. I am totally open. Because I have to express my feelings about what I love and what brings me pain. I need to do this for myself.
Another worry I had was that I'd "lose God". On the contrary, I love God too deeply to let go of Him for any reason at all. He's the reasons my passions exist. I love God, but I feel like I've been "playing Christian". And that is deadening. If I truly love God, I'll do what I love full force and involve Him every step along the way. I have no doubt pursing my dreams will bring me closer to God. No more being afraid and fearing that I'm not being a good Christian. I. don't. care. I love God and I want to obey his teachings. I don't need to concern myself with the judgement of anyone, but God Himself. I love my friends and family, but I can't be scared of what they think. I'm not afraid any more. Hallelujah!
~ tessmarie (July 9, 2010)
Wanting to be more production, I've been listening to my brother Todd's advice (as if I have a choice...ha ha, kidding). He's someone I admire- not because he'll sympathize with me over trials we've both experienced, but because he urges me to push myself and won't let me make excuses. I've shed many tears during our conversations over the years and all were completely worth it. No one has been harder on me than him. I'm truly grateful for that. Every time I talk to him, we share our views about life, family, and religion. Sometimes, it feels like we're polar opposites...but I think that helps us both grow. Ok, honestly, I probably get more out of it than he does. I do think he enjoys seeing me learn, though. I am his "science project" after all. I'm not sure what the grading scale is based on, but I'm sure hoping he gets an A+. Heh heh...I think he will.
I'm really starting to see life differently after our recent talks. I'm inspired like never before! My fear seems to be disappearing, or at least masked. I like to tell people when I'm afraid for some reason. I guess I like appearing vulnerable. Maybe that's kind of a good thing? I'm just going to say it is, ha ha. Usually, I talk about it because it's bothering me and I'm begging for as much advice as possible. But if that method works, why change it? I'm feeling much better. I can't even describe how excited I am!
Why am I excited? Why was I holding onto fear?
I love my ideas, my dreams. I think about them a lot, probably more than what's healthy. They're a part of me. They bring out my passions and that's a beautiful thing. But I've been holding back...I've been limiting myself, scared of what people I admire will think of me when they find out "who I was all along". That fear has been hurting me for far too long and well, I'm sick and tired of it. I have to be myself to be happy. It's the only way for me to grow as a person and for my stories to blossom as well. I'm excited because I'm free! No, I'm not yearning to be free. I am most definitely free! I feel different, changed. There's a feeling of peace and pure happiness inside of me. I have no tears of sadness or joy. It's an emotion of comfort, not at all overwhelming. I've been overwhelmed for too long.
My passions are no longer a secret to anyone. I am totally open. Because I have to express my feelings about what I love and what brings me pain. I need to do this for myself.
Another worry I had was that I'd "lose God". On the contrary, I love God too deeply to let go of Him for any reason at all. He's the reasons my passions exist. I love God, but I feel like I've been "playing Christian". And that is deadening. If I truly love God, I'll do what I love full force and involve Him every step along the way. I have no doubt pursing my dreams will bring me closer to God. No more being afraid and fearing that I'm not being a good Christian. I. don't. care. I love God and I want to obey his teachings. I don't need to concern myself with the judgement of anyone, but God Himself. I love my friends and family, but I can't be scared of what they think. I'm not afraid any more. Hallelujah!
~ tessmarie (July 9, 2010)
Blogged with the Flock Browser
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
I'm on a Mission...
...to dominate the internet!
OK, no, not really... What I plan to do is on a smaller scale.
I keep thinking of ways to market myself and just be out in the open for opportunity. Social media and networking sites seem to be great for this. So, I'm starting with the basics. I'm on Twitter and I'm already addicted to it. Simple! I just have to get a whole bunch of followers and then people will notice my ideas! That isn't exactly as easy as I thought I'd be. Because it's not about quantity, but about quality in the long run. Ahhh, but I'm impatient... I'm fighting through that. Even though I want quick results, I realize long-lasting results are the best. :)
And Facebook is out. I mean, it annoys me now. Why would I want to spend more time on a site that I intentionally stay away from? Maybe a fan page would be fun a while from now. Oh, ha ha! I'm speaking as if I'm actually going to be well-known. Ha...that was funny. :)
My other idea was YouTube. Sounds fun...if I can really do it. I've wanted to do it for years. The problem is I'm a bit camera shy when it comes to speaking to an extremely large audience. I've tried to film myself before with the intention of uploading it to YouTube. Just knowing that maybe someone I don't know will see the video FREAKS ME OUT. I start to act all nervous and say stupid things that don't make any sense. I really want to get past that and I don't know how. But I'm going to keep trying, because I think it would be a good thing.
I don't think I'll get popular over night. I'm going to be realistic and level-headed about this. At least, that's what I'm trying to do. If I'm going to be known for something, I want it to be a good thing, something that's important to me. Not something that just shocks and entertains people. But hey, it does that also, then OK! Ha ha.
By marketing myself, my goals are to:
* Grow as a person.
* Make a name for myself.
* Spread and shape my ideas, writings, and illustrations.
And I pray that this will be an amazing journey that will bring me even closer to God.
~ tessmarie (June 22, 2010)
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.
OK, no, not really... What I plan to do is on a smaller scale.
I keep thinking of ways to market myself and just be out in the open for opportunity. Social media and networking sites seem to be great for this. So, I'm starting with the basics. I'm on Twitter and I'm already addicted to it. Simple! I just have to get a whole bunch of followers and then people will notice my ideas! That isn't exactly as easy as I thought I'd be. Because it's not about quantity, but about quality in the long run. Ahhh, but I'm impatient... I'm fighting through that. Even though I want quick results, I realize long-lasting results are the best. :)
And Facebook is out. I mean, it annoys me now. Why would I want to spend more time on a site that I intentionally stay away from? Maybe a fan page would be fun a while from now. Oh, ha ha! I'm speaking as if I'm actually going to be well-known. Ha...that was funny. :)
My other idea was YouTube. Sounds fun...if I can really do it. I've wanted to do it for years. The problem is I'm a bit camera shy when it comes to speaking to an extremely large audience. I've tried to film myself before with the intention of uploading it to YouTube. Just knowing that maybe someone I don't know will see the video FREAKS ME OUT. I start to act all nervous and say stupid things that don't make any sense. I really want to get past that and I don't know how. But I'm going to keep trying, because I think it would be a good thing.
I don't think I'll get popular over night. I'm going to be realistic and level-headed about this. At least, that's what I'm trying to do. If I'm going to be known for something, I want it to be a good thing, something that's important to me. Not something that just shocks and entertains people. But hey, it does that also, then OK! Ha ha.
By marketing myself, my goals are to:
* Grow as a person.
* Make a name for myself.
* Spread and shape my ideas, writings, and illustrations.
And I pray that this will be an amazing journey that will bring me even closer to God.
~ tessmarie (June 22, 2010)
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.
Friday, June 18, 2010
A Lot On My Mind
It's Friday and I'm working. Yay! No sarcasm intended. I need a job.
This week has been very emotional for me. My college decision has changed entirely. I was planning on going to the University of Louisiana at Lafayette and sharing an apartment with my best friend. All of that has changed. I waited too long to make some very important choices and that hindered me. While I have TOPS and get to go to a four year college with tuition paid, money wasn't looking good. Living nice, unfortunately, is not usually cheap. So, I had the option of staying in a dorm instead. Yeah...I don't think I'm ready for that. Six months from now, maybe, but not now. From the advice of my mom and a few others, I've decided to wait until the Spring semester to go to college. I still get to use my TOPS, so why not? This gives me more time to make a choice I feel more comfortable with. While I'm happy about the choice, I'm still nervous. I still have to make the decision. There's just more time for me to do that now.
[For those who don't know, TOPS is a program in Louisiana that will pay a certain amount of money for college depending on a high school graduate's GPA and ACT or SAT scores]
Another thing that has been bothering me is, well, me. I've been lazy, unmotivated, and basically a couch potato every since I graduated high school. Everyone tells me that that's fine and I deserve some time to relax. Sure, I agree, but doing nothing all day makes me feel pretty crappy. By nothing, I mean watching season after season of The Office, Law & Order: SVU, and a few random, cheesy movies on Netflix Instant Play. Now, that's a day well-waster for sure. OK, well not exactly, but yeah, yeah it is. Actually, I do other things, too. I draw. While that's a lot of fun and it's fulfilling, I still don't feel like I spend my days the best way I can. Art is very important to me and I know having a job would take time away from that, but I think it would be good for my mental state (which is not so good right now). I really want to work at Whole Foods. I love that place anyway, so it just makes sense that I'd want to be there all of the time. I won't apply for a job there until August, though. I can work part-time for my dad until then. The reason is because the chances of Whole Foods letting me take two weeks off to go to Oregon in mid-July don't seem good. Because if I started on the job tomorrow, I'd only be working for a month before asking for vacation time. Ha ha...ha...not likely. So for the next two months, working with my dad on Fridays is perfectly fine with me.
Another issue I have with myself (it's always about me, isn't it) is my artistic expression. Oh, artist expression, I'm so professional now (only in my head, of course). But really, that's what it is. I feel like I'm holding back. I have thoughts and drawings I don't feel comfortable sharing with other people. I get scared of that they will think I've lost it. I do think I'm exaggerating a bit, but in my own head, it seems that way. I want freedom. I want that for myself. Being honest to myself, my friends and family, and my non-existence audience (heh heh) is crucial to my happiness. Whether my ideas are controversial or weird or completely normal, I want to express them. I have to express them. I WILL express them.
That's all I have for now. Feeling pretty good about life. Thank God, I can breathe!
~ tessmarie (June 18, 2010)
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.
This week has been very emotional for me. My college decision has changed entirely. I was planning on going to the University of Louisiana at Lafayette and sharing an apartment with my best friend. All of that has changed. I waited too long to make some very important choices and that hindered me. While I have TOPS and get to go to a four year college with tuition paid, money wasn't looking good. Living nice, unfortunately, is not usually cheap. So, I had the option of staying in a dorm instead. Yeah...I don't think I'm ready for that. Six months from now, maybe, but not now. From the advice of my mom and a few others, I've decided to wait until the Spring semester to go to college. I still get to use my TOPS, so why not? This gives me more time to make a choice I feel more comfortable with. While I'm happy about the choice, I'm still nervous. I still have to make the decision. There's just more time for me to do that now.
[For those who don't know, TOPS is a program in Louisiana that will pay a certain amount of money for college depending on a high school graduate's GPA and ACT or SAT scores]
Another thing that has been bothering me is, well, me. I've been lazy, unmotivated, and basically a couch potato every since I graduated high school. Everyone tells me that that's fine and I deserve some time to relax. Sure, I agree, but doing nothing all day makes me feel pretty crappy. By nothing, I mean watching season after season of The Office, Law & Order: SVU, and a few random, cheesy movies on Netflix Instant Play. Now, that's a day well-waster for sure. OK, well not exactly, but yeah, yeah it is. Actually, I do other things, too. I draw. While that's a lot of fun and it's fulfilling, I still don't feel like I spend my days the best way I can. Art is very important to me and I know having a job would take time away from that, but I think it would be good for my mental state (which is not so good right now). I really want to work at Whole Foods. I love that place anyway, so it just makes sense that I'd want to be there all of the time. I won't apply for a job there until August, though. I can work part-time for my dad until then. The reason is because the chances of Whole Foods letting me take two weeks off to go to Oregon in mid-July don't seem good. Because if I started on the job tomorrow, I'd only be working for a month before asking for vacation time. Ha ha...ha...not likely. So for the next two months, working with my dad on Fridays is perfectly fine with me.
Another issue I have with myself (it's always about me, isn't it) is my artistic expression. Oh, artist expression, I'm so professional now (only in my head, of course). But really, that's what it is. I feel like I'm holding back. I have thoughts and drawings I don't feel comfortable sharing with other people. I get scared of that they will think I've lost it. I do think I'm exaggerating a bit, but in my own head, it seems that way. I want freedom. I want that for myself. Being honest to myself, my friends and family, and my non-existence audience (heh heh) is crucial to my happiness. Whether my ideas are controversial or weird or completely normal, I want to express them. I have to express them. I WILL express them.
That's all I have for now. Feeling pretty good about life. Thank God, I can breathe!
~ tessmarie (June 18, 2010)
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
New Artwork *May and June*
Pictures look best in full view (click once).
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"Innocence in Motion"
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"Kites?"
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"Lovely and Lucid"
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"Lovely and Bemused"
~ tessmarie (June 15, 2010)
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.
.png)
"Innocence in Motion"
.png)
"Kites?"
.png)
"Lovely and Lucid"
.png)
"Lovely and Bemused"
~ tessmarie (June 15, 2010)
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
I'm Open to You! Willing and Ready.
There are a few things I need to be honest about with myself and everyone else. I've been talking about defeating my fear and how I'm trying to be brave. Also, I know I've voiced this to a couple of people close to me, but I think I should say it here - I want to be known, not for fame or fortune, but to make some kind of difference by sharing my ideas. Big problem, though. I'm afraid of what people think. First, the challenge was my family and friends. Never thought I'd get past that without difficulty, but I did (I was the one making the big deal, ha ha). Of course there are some that still concern me, but hey, I'll get over it. Now I realize that the ones I love truly support me and that gives me the courage to write this and to go ahead and live my dream. Everyone else, those I want to reach that I don't even know, is the real problem for me. I mean, what can I say to make people listen to me? I'm eighteen, just graduated from a small Christian private school, lived in a small town all of my life, and I'm still so naive. What could I possibly say that people want to pay attention to? I'm not sure. I'm going out on a limb saying all of this, but I think it's going to matter. God gave me a life for a reason, just like everyone else. It's about time I realize I can make a difference. I may be scared, but it brings me to tears thinking about the possibilities God can bring about in my life if I let him. I'm ready, God. Lead me, take me, and mold me in the woman you have me set out to be. I want with all of my heart to do something amazing for You.
~ tessmarie (June 2, 2010)
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.
~ tessmarie (June 2, 2010)
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.
Sunday, May 30, 2010
Defeating the Fear
Still scared…of what they might think. I've grown so much and gotten strong enough that I'm proud of my work and of my beliefs. But I'm weak enough to still have fear of criticism and failure. It doesn't bother me until I try to put myself out there. I know what I want. At least, I think I do. I know what my goals are, though some will indefinitely change over time. However, that doesn't lessen my determination. It's fear that's holding me back. A voice inside my head tells me that I won't be able to express myself the right way. Oh, I'll be able to do it, but it won't be close to my expectations… There it is, fear.
I want to be stronger. I want to speak my mind and do it with wisdom. I want to get my point across without worrying about others perceiving it the wrong way. I feel it's important to consider that, though. I have beliefs that some see as weird, others see as wonderful. I know not everyone will like my views, but I know there are people who will. I believe that. My opinions are important to me and I want to share them. I have to break this fear, if I ever want to succeed.
~ tessmarie (May 30, 2010)
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.
I want to be stronger. I want to speak my mind and do it with wisdom. I want to get my point across without worrying about others perceiving it the wrong way. I feel it's important to consider that, though. I have beliefs that some see as weird, others see as wonderful. I know not everyone will like my views, but I know there are people who will. I believe that. My opinions are important to me and I want to share them. I have to break this fear, if I ever want to succeed.
~ tessmarie (May 30, 2010)
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
My Art - Past
I picked a few of the pictures I've drawn or altered on my computer that I like the most. They aren't very recent. I just decided that I would like to document some of my past work on my blog.
This one is called "Words Around Me". It was the result of my random drawing during class. I think I drew this when I was 16 in the 10th grade.
Another random drawing called "What the Pinkness?". The picture is a little messy, but I like the mood it creates. The girl's eyes make her look animated, I think.
Um, well, this drawing is called "Ugly Blank Stare". Not saying the girl is ugly, of course, but that her stare is somewhat frightening. Her outfit is...interesting. And she has pink hair!
This picture is titled "She's Super". I guess at the time I drew her, I thought she looked like a superhero or something. I love the tone of her blonde hair.
I call this one "Hair Color Wows Me", because it does. Seriously, the girl's hair color is my favorite thing about this picture.
This one is titled "Pinkster". Hm, in my opinion, she resembles a Dr. Suess type character. I was experimenting with brushes in a program called Seashore when I did this drawing.
This picture was taken on a webcam, eh. It's of a two different animes/manga I like, Fruits Basket and Ranma 1/2. I was practicing anime eyes and then I drew my favorite male characters in the animes. Kyo Sohma (Fruits Basket), Ranma Saotome (Ranma 1/2), and the cutie Ryoga Hibiki/Pchan (Ranma 1/2). I call the picture "I Can Has Anime?".
When I drew this picture, I didn't realize that the background was set on transparent so it looks a like weird. Simple picture, simple title. "Girl With Tie".
This drawing was extremely random. I don't really know what to say about it, ha ha. It's called "Flowow". I just like that it looks fun.
Here is a drawing I did of a cartoon-y field. I like the blurring and the different shades of the colors. It looks very small, hence the title "Fields Galore, Not Really".
++.png)
There are so many flaws that people have pointed out to me in this picture. And I can think of a handful every time I look at it...but I still like it. I was sad when I drew it. I think I drew this during my first week as a junior in high school, at age 17. This drawing is called "Amber".
~ tessmarie (May 25, 2010)
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.
This one is called "Words Around Me". It was the result of my random drawing during class. I think I drew this when I was 16 in the 10th grade.
Another random drawing called "What the Pinkness?". The picture is a little messy, but I like the mood it creates. The girl's eyes make her look animated, I think.
Um, well, this drawing is called "Ugly Blank Stare". Not saying the girl is ugly, of course, but that her stare is somewhat frightening. Her outfit is...interesting. And she has pink hair!
This picture is titled "She's Super". I guess at the time I drew her, I thought she looked like a superhero or something. I love the tone of her blonde hair.
I call this one "Hair Color Wows Me", because it does. Seriously, the girl's hair color is my favorite thing about this picture.
This one is titled "Pinkster". Hm, in my opinion, she resembles a Dr. Suess type character. I was experimenting with brushes in a program called Seashore when I did this drawing.
This picture was taken on a webcam, eh. It's of a two different animes/manga I like, Fruits Basket and Ranma 1/2. I was practicing anime eyes and then I drew my favorite male characters in the animes. Kyo Sohma (Fruits Basket), Ranma Saotome (Ranma 1/2), and the cutie Ryoga Hibiki/Pchan (Ranma 1/2). I call the picture "I Can Has Anime?".
When I drew this picture, I didn't realize that the background was set on transparent so it looks a like weird. Simple picture, simple title. "Girl With Tie".
This drawing was extremely random. I don't really know what to say about it, ha ha. It's called "Flowow". I just like that it looks fun.
Here is a drawing I did of a cartoon-y field. I like the blurring and the different shades of the colors. It looks very small, hence the title "Fields Galore, Not Really".
++.png)
There are so many flaws that people have pointed out to me in this picture. And I can think of a handful every time I look at it...but I still like it. I was sad when I drew it. I think I drew this during my first week as a junior in high school, at age 17. This drawing is called "Amber".
~ tessmarie (May 25, 2010)
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Burnt Out
This is a thought from when I was fifteen.
I remember having thoughts like the above statement. I've had what I call an addictive behavior for years. This trait has its disadvantages, but I do believe it has worthwhile positive aspects. Sure, listening to the same song over and over and over or entertaining specific thoughts on a daily basis can somewhat isolate you from reality, but it does something different for me. When I do something that gives me a temporary high, I often think about it so much that I get tired of it. I'm not saying liking something a lot means eventually you will hate it. That's not true, of course. It depends on what it is and why you like it. For example, when I was fifteen/sixteen, I was very much obsessed with two things that had this effect on me. I really liked the song "Pop Princess" by The Click Five. Actually, I think I was more obsessed with the images and the feeling the song gave me. Anyway, I listened to the song until I got "burnt out" on it. That doesn't mean I don't like it today, it just doesn't create the same vision in my mind. I had to go through a stage of obsession until I realized it wasn't the greatest song in the world, ha ha.
The second thing I was obsessed with definitely had a longer-lasting effect on me. It look me a while to get over it. I imaged a very odd scene with one of my characters being stuck somewhere. It's very awkward actually, so I'm not going to mention specific details (and no, it wasn't graphic or perverted). For some reason, even though the idea wasn't at all great, I loved it! I honestly couldn't get enough of it. Almost a year later, the idea started to fade and the story changed almost entirely. Now, it has drastically changed from that original idea. The story I'm talking about is At First Blush. Oddly enough, in the beginning, the main character was a girl who dressed as a guy for whatever reason. Well, Charlie still dresses as a male, but there is a reason and it's crucial to the story and the character.
I think being "burnt out" isn't all bad. While the process sucks, because once you get over something you usually feel drained, it's worth it. That's my experience, anyway. At times, it can bring you to something better. You don't have to stay drained and sad because your "oh my gosh, amazing" happiness went away. You can learn from it and grow to be a wiser and more intelligent person. I think I have and will continue to do so.
~ tessmarie (May 19, 2010)
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.
Thursday, May 13, 2010
Not the Same
It's all falling apart. We're all falling.
Innocence, ha, I remember that.
When I didn't know any better.
But somehow I kept from getting hurt.
Things of the past, so far away.
What have I given into now?
Everything.
Everything I thought I had to have.
What made me change...
So long ago...
It doesn't matter now.
I have what I want, what I've craved.
So I could be like the rest of them.
The Best of them...(the worst of them)
Yeah, I'm not bitter. Ha ha, really, I'm not. This isn't about me actually. It's about the change I've seen in some of my classmates. Sad really, but if I think about it too long, it just makes me angry. So...writing this piece of literature helped me vent. Ahhh, I feel a little better.
~ tessmarie (May 13, 2010)
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.
Innocence, ha, I remember that.
When I didn't know any better.
But somehow I kept from getting hurt.
Things of the past, so far away.
What have I given into now?
Everything.
Everything I thought I had to have.
What made me change...
So long ago...
It doesn't matter now.
I have what I want, what I've craved.
So I could be like the rest of them.
The Best of them...(the worst of them)
Yeah, I'm not bitter. Ha ha, really, I'm not. This isn't about me actually. It's about the change I've seen in some of my classmates. Sad really, but if I think about it too long, it just makes me angry. So...writing this piece of literature helped me vent. Ahhh, I feel a little better.
~ tessmarie (May 13, 2010)
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.
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