I'm on a Mission...

...to dominate the internet!

OK, no, not really... What I plan to do is on a smaller scale.

I keep thinking of ways to market myself and just be out in the open for opportunity. Social media and networking sites seem to be great for this. So, I'm starting with the basics. I'm on Twitter and I'm already addicted to it. Simple! I just have to get a whole bunch of followers and then people will notice my ideas! That isn't exactly as easy as I thought I'd be. Because it's not about quantity, but about quality in the long run. Ahhh, but I'm impatient... I'm fighting through that. Even though I want quick results, I realize long-lasting results are the best. :)

And Facebook is out. I mean, it annoys me now. Why would I want to spend more time on a site that I intentionally stay away from? Maybe a fan page would be fun a while from now. Oh, ha ha! I'm speaking as if I'm actually going to be well-known. Ha...that was funny. :)

My other idea was YouTube. Sounds fun...if I can really do it. I've wanted to do it for years. The problem is I'm a bit camera shy when it comes to speaking to an extremely large audience. I've tried to film myself before with the intention of uploading it to YouTube. Just knowing that maybe someone I don't know will see the video FREAKS ME OUT. I start to act all nervous and say stupid things that don't make any sense. I really want to get past that and I don't know how. But I'm going to keep trying, because I think it would be a good thing.

I don't think I'll get popular over night. I'm going to be realistic and level-headed about this. At least, that's what I'm trying to do. If I'm going to be known for something, I want it to be a good thing, something that's important to me. Not something that just shocks and entertains people. But hey, it does that also, then OK! Ha ha.


By marketing myself, my goals are to:

* Grow as a person.

* Make a name for myself.

* Spread and shape my ideas, writings, and illustrations.


And I pray that this will be an amazing journey that will bring me even closer to God.


~ tessmarie (June 22, 2010)


This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

A Lot On My Mind

It's Friday and I'm working. Yay! No sarcasm intended. I need a job.

This week has been very emotional for me. My college decision has changed entirely. I was planning on going to the University of Louisiana at Lafayette and sharing an apartment with my best friend. All of that has changed. I waited too long to make some very important choices and that hindered me. While I have TOPS and get to go to a four year college with tuition paid, money wasn't looking good. Living nice, unfortunately, is not usually cheap. So, I had the option of staying in a dorm instead. Yeah...I don't think I'm ready for that. Six months from now, maybe, but not now. From the advice of my mom and a few others, I've decided to wait until the Spring semester to go to college. I still get to use my TOPS, so why not? This gives me more time to make a choice I feel more comfortable with. While I'm happy about the choice, I'm still nervous. I still have to make the decision. There's just more time for me to do that now.
_{[For those who don't know, TOPS is a program in Louisiana that will pay a certain amount of money for college depending on a high school graduate's GPA and ACT or SAT scores]}

Another thing that has been bothering me is, well, me. I've been lazy, unmotivated, and basically a couch potato every since I graduated high school. Everyone tells me that that's fine and I deserve some time to relax. Sure, I agree, but doing nothing all day makes me feel pretty crappy. By nothing, I mean watching season after season of The Office, Law & Order: SVU, and a few random, cheesy movies on Netflix Instant Play. Now, that's a day well-waster for sure. OK, well not exactly, but yeah, yeah it is. Actually, I do other things, too. I draw. While that's a lot of fun and it's fulfilling, I still don't feel like I spend my days the best way I can. Art is very important to me and I know having a job would take time away from that, but I think it would be good for my mental state (which is not so good right now). I really want to work at Whole Foods. I love that place anyway, so it just makes sense that I'd want to be there all of the time. I won't apply for a job there until August, though. I can work part-time for my dad until then. The reason is because the chances of Whole Foods letting me take two weeks off to go to Oregon in mid-July don't seem good. Because if I started on the job tomorrow, I'd only be working for a month before asking for vacation time. Ha ha...ha...not likely. So for the next two months, working with my dad on Fridays is perfectly fine with me.

Another issue I have with myself (it's always about me, isn't it) is my artistic expression. Oh, artist expression, I'm so professional now (only in my head, of course). But really, that's what it is. I feel like I'm holding back. I have thoughts and drawings I don't feel comfortable sharing with other people. I get scared of that they will think I've lost it. I do think I'm exaggerating a bit, but in my own head, it seems that way. I want freedom. I want that for myself. Being honest to myself, my friends and family, and my non-existence audience (heh heh) is crucial to my happiness. Whether my ideas are controversial or weird or completely normal, I want to express them. I have to express them. I WILL express them.

That's all I have for now. Feeling pretty good about life. Thank God, I can breathe!

~ tessmarie (June 18, 2010)


This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

New Artwork *May and June*

Pictures look best in full view (click once).


"Innocence in Motion"


"Kites?"


"Lovely and Lucid"


"Lovely and Bemused"

~ tessmarie (June 15, 2010)


This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

I'm Open to You! Willing and Ready.

There are a few things I need to be honest about with myself and everyone else. I've been talking about defeating my fear and how I'm trying to be brave. Also, I know I've voiced this to a couple of people close to me, but I think I should say it here - I want to be known, not for fame or fortune, but to make some kind of difference by sharing my ideas. Big problem, though. I'm afraid of what people think. First, the challenge was my family and friends. Never thought I'd get past that without difficulty, but I did (I was the one making the big deal, ha ha). Of course there are some that still concern me, but hey, I'll get over it. Now I realize that the ones I love truly support me and that gives me the courage to write this and to go ahead and live my dream. Everyone else, those I want to reach that I don't even know, is the real problem for me. I mean, what can I say to make people listen to me? I'm eighteen, just graduated from a small Christian private school, lived in a small town all of my life, and I'm still so naive. What could I possibly say that people want to pay attention to? I'm not sure. I'm going out on a limb saying all of this, but I think it's going to matter. God gave me a life for a reason, just like everyone else. It's about time I realize I can make a difference. I may be scared, but it brings me to tears thinking about the possibilities God can bring about in my life if I let him. I'm ready, God. Lead me, take me, and mold me in the woman you have me set out to be. I want with all of my heart to do something amazing for You.

~ tessmarie (June 2, 2010)


This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.